WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
