FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
