it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
