he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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