Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Drunk is a universal language darling
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
