i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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