We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Randomize
