i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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