the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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