He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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