i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
