it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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