I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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