Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
