The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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