If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I wish there were birth control emojis
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
