i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
