What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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