your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
