I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
My sheets look like a crime scene.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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