He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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