i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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