i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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