$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
