around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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