At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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