Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
He kissed a someone with a penis
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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