at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
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