I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
