Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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