Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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