I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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