i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Randomize
