All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
