Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
either way he was missing a nipple.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
