my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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