Grow some girl-balls and come out already
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
