gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
