Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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