My friends, they love my intelligence
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
