I wish life had little blips of pornography
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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