nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
