I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
