Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
