i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
