I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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