I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
operation harelip BJ is a go
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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