I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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