he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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