If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
