ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
