Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
